Donations to Seattle Children's

Some have asked us if there is a foundation or non-profit for donations in Aimee's name. Beth and I feel strongly that if you feel like making a donation for Aimee's sake, please consider sending it to Seattle Children's Hospital. Life would have been so difficult without the amazing work done there by so many wonderful people. Of course, if you have a foundation you support, please donate to them in her name there. Either way, we feel honored by the fact that others will benefit because of her testimony.

The link to Seattle Children's Donation site is:

http://waystohelp.seattlechildrens.org/donations/

Have a great week
-Lynn

Its been one long week.

Lynn and I survived our first week without her. It was packed with ups and downs, but we made it. Today we went looking for a new place to live. We have been renting an apartment and we thought that it would be nice to have a fresh start in a new place. However, once we thought about packing everything up and moving out we had a change of heart. It tore us apart to think of driving by this place someday and not being able to go inside. This is the only home that Aimee has known. I can't tell you how many times I have walked up and down that hall burping her at 3 in the morning. I think I would even miss the squash that splattered on the ceiling when I dropped the jar of baby food. Even though her bassinet is gone I can still see it when I walk by. Sometimes I catch myself just staring at the place where it use to be. I know the day will come when we will be ok with moving on, but I just can't do it yet.
My family flew in from Texas to be here for her memorial service. My daddy and I had a chance to have some of those priceless "daddy-daughter talks". When my mommy went to be with Jesus in 1990 he went through the same thing. He found comfort in living in the same home that they shared. Her touch was everywhere. I still remember we had a big sheet of paper on the fridge that covered the entire bottom door. At the top my mommy wrote "Jesus is my..." and we filled the bottom with everything that we could think of: friend, shepherd, healer, savior... I think I wrote down some pretty corny ones, but that piece of paper stayed on the fridge for at least 3 years.
So for now I don't know if I am ready to move. There is still a bottle in the fridge-I know it is gross, but I promise I won't leave in in there for 3 years! I still have lots of baby food in my pantry that I can't part with yet. Every once in a while at the grocery store I sneak away to the baby section and just smell the baby lotion. It has a way of bringing me right back to that place. I feel like I just gave Aimee a bath and wrapped her up in her little towel and snuggled her till she was all warm and cozy. I miss my girl so much it physically hurts.
Thank you all so much for coming to her memorial service. It was such an encouragement to be surrounded by people that have supported and loved us through this. Sometimes just being there makes all the difference in the world. We love you guys!

Chloe's Poem

In Her Mother’s Arms

Angels dancing in the sky,

And there the babe lies, in her mother’s arms.

The snow falling in the night,

And there the babe sleeps, in her mother’s arms.

Innocent Moon peeks through the clouds,

And there the babe struggles, in her mother’s arms.

A dog barks, a bird chirps,

And there the babe cries, in her mother’s arms.

Then all’s silent as they watch

All is silent as they watch

The miracle, the lamb, the babe,

As she drifts to her home in heaven,

In her loving mother’s arms.

Dedicated to the little angel Aimee

By Chloe Bazlen

Chloe is Beth's amazing 12 year old cousin. She loved our little angel so much. Thanks for letting us share her with you Chloe Bell -We love you so much! XOXO Beth&Lynn

Life keeps on going...

It is all I can do right now to hold myself together. Today I tried cleaning up our house and I keep falling apart. I opened a drawer to put the silverware away and her little baby spoon was there. It was the one that she had her first solids with. Just the sight of it made my heart drop. I could remember the confused look on her face the first time I gave her applesauce. She just sucked on it and eventually spit it out no matter how many times I tried. But just seeing her spoon reminded me of the giggles I would have watching her try something she didn't like. Bananas were her favorite. She would eat bananas any day. I miss the sounds of her eating and breathing. I hope I never forget her sweet little sounds.
I have been talking to her pictures as if she was there listening. I rock back and forth when ever I sit down. I keep thinking I need to buy diapers. I wake up in the morning and the first think on my mind is change her diaper and feed her. It feels weird sitting in the passenger's seat of the car and not in back watching her. I order decaf out of habit. I keep thinking it is about time she had a bath. I miss her so much. She was supposed to have a doctor's appointment today... it feels kind of eerie knowing that life goes on.
Many people have asked how she passed and I don't mind sharing it. It is up to you if you want to read on. I understand if you don't- It is only now that I am able to relive this in detail and write it out. On Saturday we were watching a movie and I was cuddling with her on the couch and her oxygen saturation kept dropping.
No matter how much we gave her it wasn't making a difference. Her breathing started to slow down and she became very congested. I can't even begin to tell you how much agony your heart feels when you are holding your precious child while they slip away. She would take a breath about every 30 seconds and I would just sob and bury my face in her neck praying for her to pass quickly. My heart was pounding as I watched her rosy little cheeks pale. I knew this was coming but once I got there I was in so much pain I couldn't think. There were times when she would get a bit better and we would tell her it was ok to go home. We told her well done good and faithful one Jesus is waiting for you. Lynn was sobbing as he was speaking the 23rd Psalm over her. Our family surrounded us and stayed up with us until about 3ish. We know she wasn't in any pain, but it was only by God's grace that we were able to make it through that valley. Lynn and I took turns holding her till about 3 in the morning when we finally fell asleep with her in Lynn's arms and she was holding on to my little finger. Our hospice nurse was here during the whole time and was watching her and helping us keep her comfortable during her passing.
It was about 3:40 when our nurse, Tonnie, woke me up and told me her heart had stopped beating. I was disoriented at first but then I saw her and pulled her close in my arms held her to my chest and rocked her. I don't know if I can finish this now. I 'll post when I can.

Memorial Service

Just a very quick update. There is a memorial service planned for Friday April 25th at 3 PM. It will take place in the prayer chapel at The City Church 9051 132nd Ave NE Kirkland, WA 98033. Please call my cell (425) 463-6492 or email me at lynn.heinemann@gmail.com for any questions.

-Lynn

Also, some have asked to pass on my brother's poem "Clay." Please share it with others as you see fit but I do ask that you will always attach his name and our blog address to the end of the poem. It is his work and I forever want him to be recognized as the original author.

The Day After

We are still here. I keep thinking she could have taken us with her and this wouldn't feel so bad. Guess it wasn't supposed to be that way. I was looking for something on the floor today and instead found a little shoe under the couch. All the walls and excuses I put up this morning didn't do anything after that. I might as well work through it instead of trying to forget. Anyway, we had to go to the funeral home this morning to sign papers and finalize everything - you end up feeling a little cruel signing papers and making huge decisions so quickly. In ways, it feels sterile and heartless but there is nothing you can do. We have been told we should write a book and we are considering it. At the very least we have notepads around and are constantly writing out our thoughts. I am picking up a digital voice recorder to record my thoughts whenever they happen. After a few days and weeks the memories will not be so clear and I want to catch those painful sharp memories now where they are. Pray for us as we go through the process of moving on. The door is closed and no matter how hard you try to reopen it, there is no handle just a path in front of you.

We will keep our blog going because many have told us they read it every day. I always considered my thoughts to be a little dangerous but Aimee's purpose has not even started to be realized. Her witness and testimony will continue to be effective for years and years to come.

Also, a MAJOR praise report - one of our close friends gave us a car tonight. We started praying for a car yesterday because Beth will be getting a job and we were not sure where to start with that. Wow. We love you 2 so much.

-Lynn

"Clay"

"Clay"
By John Heinemann

The Potter takes two lumps of clay.
It's up to Him to make it any way that he wants.
One lump can be a bowl.
And another very similar lump can be a million dollar vase.

I am a bowl {being misused as an ash tray}.
Made from exactly the same kind of ceramic as her.
The potter had the right to make me that way.
The right to make me a bowl.
And I added the ash. Added society's overused trash.

She had no ash. No trash.
She was.
She was and she loved and smiled.
Nothing more.
How many boys wouldn't have died in foreign fields if more people just were.
We were made naturally good.
We made ourselves evil because we could.
And the ones that matter listen to their nature.
It doesn't have to be all of them. Even half. Or an eighth.
Because just one person causes a family and all of their friends.
To step aside and listen. To love. To create.
Like they listened to The Potter when He said she was precious.
Like how they loved her when the unwashed masses couldn't see why.
Like they created family bonds stronger than most.

But those kinds of people are rare.
That is why they are the proverbial million dollar vase.
Those people who appreciated what they were looking at.
Will feel doubly that empty space.

Perhaps they'll teach a few others.
And with a new knowledge those others will go.
Knowing that truth is beauty, beauty truth.
That is all you know on Earth, and all you need to know.

{I am proud to say this is my brother. His talent is endless.}