I know I know its been a long time since we have updated but there is good reason for that. 1) We are moving to Idaho in a week and packing for that has been crazy, 2) I have been on active orders for my "Two weeks a year" with my Army National Guard unit, and 3) they have been trying to actually deploy me in the last couple of weeks and we have been praying over that and trying to come to terms with it.
I can't say who or when or what but I was selected to deploy in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom in the near future with a unit other than my own. This came as a huge shock because it would be very dangerous and there was little forewarning. My commander in my unit feels concerned that our trials with Aimee would cause me such mental and emotional strain that I would not be able to do my job there correctly. They have been trying to work it out and get me off the list for deployment but there are a huge amount of checks and balances they have to hurdle and I have no direct control over the situation. It is very frustrating as you can imagine watching this process and knowing your life is in some other persons hands. The news and updates we hear from my chain of command are hopeful and we continue to pray this will be reversed. Please pray specifically that my deployment orders are rescinded or reversed. I have no fear in deploying. I signed up for this and will fulfill my duty as a soldier. However, this comes so closely on the heels of our family tragedy (I got the alert call the same week we picked up Aimee's ashes from the funeral home) I am fighting panic and fear at every turn. I fully intend to go with my unit when and if they deploy but I don't think now is the best time.
On a lighter note, I finally got to fly for the first time with my unit last week. For those that don't know, I work in maintenance on Army helicopters and I am absolutely nuts about aircraft and flying. The crew chief gave me a harness and headset so I was jacked in with the pilots as they communicated with air traffic control. The two of us sat on the cargo ramp of the chopper and dangled our legs over the end while we were flying at about 5,000 ft. The pictures I've posted were taken with a camera phone so they are not great but they give you an idea.
Please feel free to email us or call for our new address in Idaho. Would love to stay in touch with you all and hope our move back to Seattle is soon.
-Lynn

My Sweet Little Aimee,
I can't believe it was a year ago today that I held you in my arms for the first time. I can still see you so tiny and fragile with your rosebud lips puckered up and your dark hair framing your perfect little face. After nine months of impatiently waiting for that moment I felt like I couldn't soak you in fast enough. You were absolutely beautiful. Watching your daddy hold you for the first time was one of the sweetest moments I have ever experienced. He changed from a tough army soldier to cuddly protective daddy in a split second. You turned us into a mommy and a daddy. You blessed us everyday with your smiles and little silly faces. I cannot fathom how much God loves us if He can love us more than we love you. Every time anyone got to hold you they always said that they could feel love radiating from you. That was all you knew. Pure and simple love. Aimee, not a day goes by when we don't miss you. Sometimes I still have dreams about you, I usually try to fall asleep again and pick up where they left off just so I can hold you again. Even though I can't come to you I know we will spend forever together. Being on this side of heaven it seems like you are so far away, but to you - I suppose I will see you in the blink of an eye! Happy Birthday little one. Your mommy and daddy love you with all their hearts and can't wait to see you again.

Thoughts from Lynn

I decided to write today because I am in a holding pattern at work and have nothing to do for a while. It's amazing what my wife writes isn't it? How many of you out there have marveled at Beth's ability to express her thoughts and touch a special place in your heart and mind? Sometimes I am so surprised to read her blogs and realize I don't know her as well as I thought. She has so many hidden strengths I just can't fathom it.
I have to tell you though - I miss my daughter so bad. I am getting to the point where I can start looking at her pictures again. For a long time I refused to look at photos because the pain was too near - too close. Once in a while I will unexpectedly run across a picture of her and it's like jumping in a lake of ice water. It's a shock and it takes your breath away for a few seconds. I have a jacket with an inside pocket I don't use very much anymore. The Sunday before she passed away I put one of her little socks that fell off in that pocket not thinking anything about it. After she was gone, a couple weeks went by and I put the jacket back on and discovered that sock. I felt a little piece of me almost die inside but it's like I am carrying her around with me again every time I put my coat on. God knows I would never wish her back here again with everything she went through but I also wish so much I could be with her. As a kid, I heard my great-grandmother talk about heaven and how she was ready to go there. I, in my youth, thought that was crazy. I kept thinking, "There are so many cool things here. Who would want to go to heaven? We have Disneyland, I want to get married, I want to have fun." As time goes on, I realize more and more how much of a fallen world we live in. Romans 8:20-23 expresses it so clearly. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. Vs 22 puts it so strongly, it's like the pains of labor living here sometimes, especially when you experience something like this. We were never meant to live apart from God but we chose that for ourselves. We have Disneyland sure but show of hands on who wants to live there for eternity. I am ready to start doing what God wants of me here but I am looking to the day to be home. I have to run - got a delivery to Tacoma for work.

-Lynn

We are moving right along. Literally!

The news is out. Lynn and I are moving to Idaho for a season. It has been quite a process actually and things are going surprisingly smooth so far. Lynn received a call from his previous employer in Twin Falls and they already have an interview set up tomorrow.
Ok, I gotta get to the cool part of this story. A few months ago Lynn's parents had offered us an opportunity to live in their empty house that needs someone there to take care of it. At the time we didn't feel like it was something that we could see happening. We pretty much closed the chapter on that book and moved on. A few weeks ago I was in my quiet time praying and reading and getting to my favorite time of just being absolutely still and waiting on Him to answer back. (You have no idea how difficult this can be for someone who has ADD!) During this time I kept on getting the word "Go". I was thinking "Hmm, well that's nice God, but 'go' do what? Go get a new job? Go make dinner? Go to the ends of the earth... Go....what?!?!" I even wrote it down then scribbled it out because it just didn't make any sense to me. I didn't think about it much if at all since it happened.
While we were on vacation they offered us the house again and we prayerfully considered it, but still had plenty of reasons either way. Lynn and I had to make a decision soon- we could not afford to just sit on the fence about it and we wanted to make sure that we were doing the right thing. We have been asking for wisdom like it says to in James "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."
It was Friday morning and while I was getting ready for work it hit me like lightening. He already answered. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth and trying to explain this to Lynn at the same time. I was talking/gargling at a hundred miles a minute, foam everywhere... I think he thought I was mad! I knew deep down inside that this was the answer we had been praying and fasting for. "Go!" I was so shocked because I have tons of reasons why I wanted to stay in Seattle. I have an amazing church that I am part of. I have friends and family that have been there for us and walked with us through our hardest days, I love the green grass- and hate the sagebrush. I even called Deanna and asked her if God answers prayer like this! But when you get a word from God that sorta changes your perspective on it all. Lynn and I are completely in agreement about this decision and we are super excited to see what God has in store for us. With a word from Him it puts my heart at peace. I know He has gone before us. I know He has amazing plans for us.

(I was writing this late last night and was not able to finish, but as of this morning Lynn has a job waiting for him in Idaho! Nice job honey! )
We are going to be leaving the last few days in July. I hope we get to see all of you before then!