We are at home and it feels so good to be back. During her stay the hospital I caught up on as much sleep as I could. It was sorta humbling to be snoring in front of her team of doctors and wake up in a pool of drool and try to play it off as if I was "just about" to wake up... Ever since we got home our living room has been turned into a mini hospital where we have everything set up for her comfort. We have oxygen, feeding pumps, monitors with bells and whistles that drive me nuts. Basically everything that the hospital could offer we have here. Unfortunately, I have not been able to feed Aimee by mouth for the past week. She is having a lot of difficulty eating and ends up getting the food in her lungs which causes pneumonia. So we have a little tube going down her nose and into her stomach. She is fed 24-7 and seems to be content with a full belly...who wouldn't be huh? Lately she has been sleeping a lot and there are a few precious windows where she is awake and cooing. Oh, those moments are pure gold. It has been such a difficult past week. I miss my feeding time with her. We would snuggle and I use to turn off every thing just to her the little noises she would make with her bottle. Call me crazy but I miss all of those great burps too!
When Aimee had that close call on Saturday I can't explain it, but it was amazing how much peace Lynn and I felt during the most excruciating pain. During her "last minutes" I have never felt so scared. It was sorta like standing on the edge of a cliff. You can't see the bottom, but you know you gotta jump. I wasn't scared of what was going to happen to her, but I didn't want to go through the pain. However, through it I was rejoicing knowing she would be in the arms of Jesus in an instant. Lynn and I were just thankful that she would not know anymore pain or discomfort. It brings me such joy and peace knowing that this little sweet baby girl would go directly from our arms to His.
We have prayerfully decided to go back to hospice and make Aimee's life as comfortable as possible. Her treatments are not going to be as invasive as they have been and our decisions are going to be based on her ease and relaxation. It is such a difficult decision to make when there are other options out there. It gets easy to second guess yourself and sometimes I honestly struggle with what others will think. But, we have been praying for wisdom and I know God has been guiding us. Lynn and I agreed from day one that we would not keep her on machines to sustain her life. We just don't want to keep her trapped here when she could be in paradise with Jesus exploring colors sights and sounds for the first time.
Lynn and I feel like we have already been given a miracle. We know that nothing can keep her from seeing, talking or walking whether it is on this side of heaven or not. I know this may not be what some of you are expecting from us, but God has given us wisdom, strength and direction and we are going to follow. We love all of you so much. Your prayers have been covering us and holding us during the most heartrending time of our life. Thank you for being a part of it. -Beth
2 comments:
Thank you for your testimony of love for your precious little girl and faith in Jesus. Though you don't know me, I have been praying for you, because of the requests of Carrie via our church prayerline. I will continue to ask God to give you peace and comfort at this time. God bless you. Barbara
Beth and Lynn,
Aimee is in my thoughts and prayers daily. I dream for that 'lil girl!! I haven't called because I know how busy you must be with whirlwind visits and taking care of her. I just wanted to let you know you have many people thinking of you and believing in your wonderful faith!
Love yous...Tiffany
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