Its been one long week.

Lynn and I survived our first week without her. It was packed with ups and downs, but we made it. Today we went looking for a new place to live. We have been renting an apartment and we thought that it would be nice to have a fresh start in a new place. However, once we thought about packing everything up and moving out we had a change of heart. It tore us apart to think of driving by this place someday and not being able to go inside. This is the only home that Aimee has known. I can't tell you how many times I have walked up and down that hall burping her at 3 in the morning. I think I would even miss the squash that splattered on the ceiling when I dropped the jar of baby food. Even though her bassinet is gone I can still see it when I walk by. Sometimes I catch myself just staring at the place where it use to be. I know the day will come when we will be ok with moving on, but I just can't do it yet.
My family flew in from Texas to be here for her memorial service. My daddy and I had a chance to have some of those priceless "daddy-daughter talks". When my mommy went to be with Jesus in 1990 he went through the same thing. He found comfort in living in the same home that they shared. Her touch was everywhere. I still remember we had a big sheet of paper on the fridge that covered the entire bottom door. At the top my mommy wrote "Jesus is my..." and we filled the bottom with everything that we could think of: friend, shepherd, healer, savior... I think I wrote down some pretty corny ones, but that piece of paper stayed on the fridge for at least 3 years.
So for now I don't know if I am ready to move. There is still a bottle in the fridge-I know it is gross, but I promise I won't leave in in there for 3 years! I still have lots of baby food in my pantry that I can't part with yet. Every once in a while at the grocery store I sneak away to the baby section and just smell the baby lotion. It has a way of bringing me right back to that place. I feel like I just gave Aimee a bath and wrapped her up in her little towel and snuggled her till she was all warm and cozy. I miss my girl so much it physically hurts.
Thank you all so much for coming to her memorial service. It was such an encouragement to be surrounded by people that have supported and loved us through this. Sometimes just being there makes all the difference in the world. We love you guys!