Coincidence... I think not.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God , my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalms 18:2

I can hardly believe that it has been over a month since our sweet little girl went to be with Jesus. I find myself having fewer moments where I have those little panic attacks wondering where she is. However, I am spending a lot of time just day dreaming of what she is doing and what she looks like now. Almost every time I get sad and the feelings of her loss threatens to crush me in its weight I just focus on what He did to get her to heaven. We got a call a few weeks ago that we were dreading to get. It was the funeral home and they wanted us to know that her ashes were ready to be picked up. It is one thing to make it through the storm and survive, but then to have to go through it in a different way again... uughh. Think of a hot shower on a sunburn.... I saw Lynn's demeanor change in seconds as he finished the conversation with the funeral director. Even more difficult than watching her slip away from her earthly body was actually forcing my mind to acknowledge that she wasn't here anymore. Lynn and I knew that this day was approaching, but the heaviness of it was more than we could have imagined. I remember actually heaving and just gasping for air not being able to control myself as we drove away from the funeral home. That day Lynn and I went to a really special place that had so much significance for us to scatter her ashes.
Before Lynn and I even considered starting our family our marriage was a few arguments away from a divorce. We went for a drive together to "talk" (OK we were really yelling and screaming) about what we were going to do. We pulled over at a park so we could get out of the same space we were stuck in and get a few yards away from one another. We both managed to end up out on this rock that jutted out in the middle of the small cove that had tall pines towering overhead and deep clear water on all sides. I don't know how long we stayed on that rock, but we talked a little, forgave a lot and walked off the rock knowing that there was a future for us. Within a few months Lynn and I found out our family was going to grow by one!
Lynn and I were back again at our special place. We were holding hands and walking through this little meadow that was full of little daises. It was kinda weird, but it was as clear as day... I saw Aimee in my mind totally different. Her little chubby hands were full of these little delicate flowers and she could sit up all by herself, her hair was longer with little curls at the ends and she was laughing; I could tell her eyes were actually focusing on what ever made her smile. Her face seemed different like it had expression on it of just pure silly innocent joy. I visit this heavenly place in my mind constantly. It is a perfect vacation spot in my mind that has a way of dissolving all the heavy sadness into relief and joy. Every time I see a baby that is Aimee's age I see Aimee in that way too. Oh, she is learning how to crawl... I bet she has a few teeth by now. In all honesty, it is encouraging for me to watch her little friends grow knowing that is what she is doing in heaven too. Who knows if that is really how it happens in heaven, but it works for me.
Lynn and I went back to the rock. We let her earthly body go, but knew where her whole, perfected, unique spirit was. I didn't realize it the first time I was there ( I wasn't exactly in a 'stop and smell the flowers' kind of mood), but at the top of this rock there are wild roses that grow and circle our special place. I know that this may be a stretch for some, but I am the kind of person who looks for symbolism in every chapter of every book. Can it be coincidence that we were on "the rock"? Can it be a coincidence that there was a crown of thorns at the top? I see Him in everything and everywhere we go. I love how His presence permeates and heals my heart. He is the same yesterday today and tomorrow.